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May 27, 2011 / 74

In the Nature of Things

Ink pens are communal creatures. You put them on your desk, and one by one, unobtrusively, they wander off. When the last is gone, you go in search of them and find them in a heap on the dresser, or on the clothes drier, or in the center console of your car. If they had a water cooler, it would make them lots easier to find.

Did you ever wonder why, when someone loses their virginity, they don’t take out a “lost and found” ad in the paper?

The best way to find an extension cord is to 1. not need one, and 2. don’t watch where you’re dragging your feet.

One of the qualifications to be President of the USA is you must be a moron or an idiot, as evidenced by the number of people who think the President is one or the other.

The solution to the gasoline shortage is to change the shape of tires. If they were square, or even octagons or hexagons, we’d drive much less.

Why are there trash cans in paperless offices?

How do people know when you go to sleep, and then call you 5 minutes later?

Why are the boxes full of cords, connectors and other things always the wrong size for the one you need and why does the store that you go to to buy one close 5 minutes after you get there but the door is already locked?

The likelihood of a flashlight’s batteries being dead is directly proportional to your depth of need for a light.

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